1.Man:-“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 5:00train.”
Farmer:- “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:00 one.”
2. My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
3.I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?
4.Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"
5.When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
6.After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
7.Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
8. I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.
9.Little Johnny asks his father:
J:-"Where does the wind come from?"
F:-"I don't know"
J:-"Why do dogs bark?"
F:-"I don't know"
J:-"Why is the earth round?"
F:-"I don't know"
J;-"Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"
F:-"No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."
10.
"How much do the potatoes cost?"
"2.50"
"And the bag"
"The bag is free"
"Ok, give me the bag.